Butterscotch (the flavoring) annoys me to its fullest potential. I mean, it’s so insanely annoying because it just lasts and lasts and lasts. Surprisingly enough there has yet to be a gum flavor consisting of butterscotch in its majority flavoring thing, and if it happens anytime in the future, I am SO claiming that idea. But I’m serious when I say that it literally lasts for a long time. I wouldn’t want to chew it, and I wouldn’t want it in a mint form, but the flavor butterscotch in a hard-candy form just seems to last a long time. As I’m sucking on that stupidly golden and round thing, I’m only hoping and wishing and praying to be almost done with it (because spitting it out would simply be both a waste of [someone’s] money) AND a waste of my time (time spent and/or time used). But I do suppose it has its purpose. A lot of people I know like it, and a lot of people use it for cooking. Therefore, maybe it’s not such a bad thing after all.

Whilst we’re on the topic about my likes and dislikes, I dislike my job. Actually, I currently possess a love/hate relationship with my job, and I SO wish I would have gotten on at the grocery store I wanted to get on at (instead of Wal-Mart). No offence to Wal-Mart, I don’t even like shopping here anymore because I see all of the people I work with that much more, and maybe I’m so sick of seeing certain ones already that I don’t want to see them anymore. And then there are the two guys that look so freaking familiar (and I CANNOT figure out where I’ve seen them from) that just walk the store practically all day long (or just throughout my shift/their shift/whatever) – and they do actually clock in, but they dress like your average everyday teenage boys (or maybe college-aged since they tend to mostly be there during the day) who look as though all they did was literally climb out of bed and toss on whatever they could find off of the floor, then spritzed some cologne they think makes them smell good and attractive and whatnot, when it really just gives me a headache and annoys me (because it gives me a headache) and makes me have trouble breathing (as well as have my allergies act up). Yeah, that’s some fun stuff right there. NOT.

And then the fact that my voice has been off and on lately with scratchiness and sound and whatnot has made me worry about what would happen to me if I actually lost my voice (since my job requires talking and all). It does not take a lot of thinking when it comes to trying to figure out whether my job annoys me half of the time or not. The truth is that it DOES.

Oh, and I forgot to mention I’m allergic to the fabric of Santa hats. Yeah. I have never been able to wear one for longer than 30 minutes because it makes my forehead break out and my head itch. I’m contemplating telling the store manager (who asked me nicely to “where it for [him] please”). He actually made me feel better the other day when he told me to not let anyone get to me/bother me/etc. He seems like a really nice person, and it sort of made my fear of the ‘authority figures’ there disappear (even if for only a short amount of time). I feel like a certain person is just watching me and trying to find something else to pick at me about. Every time I am told to do something, I end up being told to do another thing, and it’s really frustrating because I get in trouble for doing what I’m told by another person who doesn’t want me to do that, and trying to explain to them that I was told by the other person who did want me to do that is practically impossible. It makes me feel as though winning is literally impossible when this happens, and I have honestly had to keep myself from crying AT WORK about three times now. I’ve never had to do that before. Now, crying at school is totally and completely different, and I’m probably never going to explain that to you – at all.

But I don’t know if I’m really, truly and honestly happy with this job or not. I was, but then things started feeling like they were going downhill (and they still are). I feel like I’m lower than those fishbowl pebbles – even lower than the sand and/or feces – and I have no way or possibility of ever being able to rise up to the top all because of one thing that started it all. And because of this, right now the only thing that’s making me want to stay there is the money I’m making. The money I’m making will allow me to have a lot of things that I need and/or want – like the Internet, paying for the next 6 months (or even a year) on my truck’s insurance (May), my phone bill (and hopefully a new phone soon), gas, etc.

I also need a bath for Toto. I wonder where the automatic drive-thru car wash things are located around here… My truck is SO dirty. >.>

Lately my life has consisted of me being exhausted literally over half of the time. I still wish I could have gotten on at Brookshire’s, though. It would have been closer to home and less cost-worthy on the gas. …And I wouldn’t be so tempted to buy lunch from the deli at work daily. I need to quit doing that. What could possibly be so bad about taking my lunch? Oh, right. That consists of grocery shopping and actually MAKING MY LUNCH which takes TIME, AKA something I DON’T have much of right now. Therefore I would have to have everything premade, and you know what? I don’t want to deal with that right now. I might do so after I get everything all sorted out, and after I get my debit card (so it will make grocery shopping easier).

I’m pretty sure the ladies at American National Bank are tired of seeing me all of the time. I know I’m tired of having to go up there anytime I need to get some money out and having to follow the same routine. They don’t even need to see my I.D. anymore because they know me. That says a lot, right? Oh, well, at least they’re friendlier than some people who work at banks are.

And NO, I’ve not blown my paycheck. I’ve mostly spent it on gas and food. I’ve also bought a few Christmas presents for some peoples (and some things for myself, too). I bought Christmas presents because it’s the first time I’m actually able to. I’m not buying them for everyone, though, since 1) it’s way too hard and 2) I don’t want to spend everything I’ve got. Besides, the gifts are just simple ones (but they do still have a lot of thought put into them).

My debit card came in the mail today. I suppose it is pretty exciting, you know? Anyway, now that I have all of the necessary information I can set up my PayPal properly this time (since I screwed it up at first) AND set up my Wal-Mart checks to go directly into MY bank account. Having my own bank account feels really great and exciting; I am enjoying every bit of this new chapter in my life!

Please excuse any typos/errors/etc. you see in this post. I typed it up in Microsoft Word and merely copied and pasted it into a new entry, placing a “Read More…” tag thingy wherever I saw best fitting (so people wouldn’t be overwhelmed right away). I don’t really care if you find this entry to be way too long. Once I get some things all situated and organized, I’ll be purchasing Internet or something here – unless I choose to live on campus at TVCC sometime soon (within the next year, etc.) – I don’t know for sure yet, you know? I just finally have all of the independence I have been searching for my entire life, and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to take it. My life is SO not that ‘typical’ teenager life thing most teenagers have gotten the chance to live. I never had that, and I’ll most likely never get the chance to experience that now. I just love this a lot, though, even if I don’t love my job.

Teacher’s degree, here I come!

…Can you tell I’m much happier now though?