You don’t know about me.

I didn’t think it was possible to make a theme I’d love more than I love Effy. To be honest, I didn’t even expect to love this one. I was already planning for it to look like shit. Oddly, though, when I actually begin to create something, it never looks like what it did in my sketch. Aside from the different writing of 6birds, nothing really looks like it would have it I had strictly gone by my sketch. I really love it now. It’s also not white… Originally, it was going to be white, black/grey, yellow and blue. Weird combination, maybe, but I like trying and doing things different from others.

In other words, I can do a lot. I’m really tired of people underestimating me. 🙁 I mean, if dehlu.org wasn’t enough, I have 6sticks – and hopefully that will make it enough. I think people underestimate me because I’m neither working nor in school. I get it. I quit my job, I should have been grateful for it, etc. I’ve heard it all. I’m so sick of having to explain myself to everyone. Why does there have to be a “why” to everything? Not everything needs a reason, and not everything has a reason that needs to be shared.

I also think that the excuse “…because I care…” has been overused one too many times in society today. It sounds too much like “I’m sorry”; when you say it so many times, it looses meaning. I don’t believe it anymore. There’s also a difference between “I worry about you”, “I trust you”, and “because I care”. If you care about me, you’ll trust me when I say that I can’t handle ___, and you’ll respect that. Even if you worry about me, it doesn’t mean that you have to constantly nag me about something I cannot handle. Worry in silence, read my things to never say to someone (here’s another!), and understand that healing takes time and that shit takes money!

I just need patience. I may need help, but I’m not going to tell everyone around me exactly what it is going on. I allow some offline peoples to read my blog, but they [hopefully] understand the rules/guidelines[1. Otherwise, I take that IP address of yours and block it! #fairwarning]:

  • No bringing up a blog post in discussion, unless I do it first.
  • No panicking/worrying about me, as my blogs are simply venting sessions I need to have every now and then in order to stay sane.
  • No sharing the link(s) with anyone else.
  • If you comment on the blog, do not freak out. Act completely normal. Feeling personal is fine, but I don’t do well with crying, so please refrain.
  • Don’t twist my words and accuse me of shit.
  • This new & improved 6birds now has mild cursing! I call it 6birds 2.0: a little more personal, a little more Liza.

If they decide to follow me on Twitter, I unfortunately don’t have rules for that. However, they should know that I tweet to tweet and express myself whether I’m angry, frustrated, upset, ticked off, happy, pleasant, sick, etc.

People with depression aren’t sad all of the time. However, I’ll admit it’s easier to be sad[2. It’s not a fun feeling/easy at all, but still easier than being happy.] than to be happy. Each time I finally feel like I can get through this, there’s someone there to stomp on me and knock me down twice as many steps as it took to get there. It’s not easy, and all it takes is one tiny thing. I’m taking people out of my life who stomp on me and knock me down as much as I’m able to. I don’t look at it as pushing people away. And if you’ve wronged me before, I don’t really want you back in my life.

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Comments on this post

Yeah, I understand how you feel about that. How people underestimate you. I wish people wouldn’t do that. It feels like you have to work harder to prove them wrong. I completely agree with you on the whole “But I care” and “why.”

Sometimes things don’t have a reason why. They just are.

Liza,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I suffer from depression too. I’m actually trying to overcome it. It’s difficult.

Don’t let others make you feel bad because you don’t attend school or you’re not working. So what! Not everyone has to do these things, especially to please other people. Do what makes you happy. 🙂 As long as you’re smiling, everything will be okay.

Since I’ve cut a lot of negative family and friends out of my life, I’ve felt so much better! It feels great! You feel like you’re free to do things without someone bashing you about your every move. You feel like a big burden has been lifted off your chest. You can finally make decisions for yourself. I can wear my big girl panties now! I’m happy about that 😉

Why does there have to be a “why” to everything? Not everything needs a reason, and not everything has a reason that needs to be shared. <– YES!!!!!!

"Because I care" sometimes means "Because I'm nosy and want to collect gossip material".

I don’t know if, in this case, it’s wanted for gossip material. I get that people care and all, but I can’t work, and I’m not in school (money!!!). I also can’t concentrate at ALL, to save my life. It just makes me feel like even more shit when I try and fail. 🙁

In my psychology class, the professor read out loud a few passages from the diary of a woman who was afflicted with bipolar I disorder. The woman published her diary after she sufficiently recovered from bipolar disorder in order to educate people. I hope that your blog will serve that aspect someday.

My high school band teacher also said many times that he genuinely cared about us as students. And like you, we got tired of hearing it and some people stopped believing him even though his actions mirrored his words perfectly. Some people really do care, and will keep reminding you. To some extent, even I, a person far away on the Internet, care, and think that a new life awaits you soon!

By the way, have you been able to see professional help yet?

Sometime having to put your foot down and make the changes in your life that are needed isn’t always easy. To say that allowing cursing, or allowing people in your offline life to read your blog, is a minor step, it really isn’t. It’s a little closer to people being able to see you for you, and not having to “hold your breath” about situations and things that get your goat.

I’m extremely proud of you, Liza. <3 Don't ever feel like you're not worth it, or that everyone feels like you can't accomplish things. That's your bubble, and your right to say "Hey, quit trying to pop it".

“This new & improved 6birds now has mild cursing! I call it 6birds 2.0: a little more personal, a little more Liza.”

You tell ’em!

😀